... Take a lot longer than 24 hours to pass. Amidst his despair, he found solace in his theoretical physics training, and vowed to make the most of it, and his engineering background, to construct...
... a Space Time Oscillating Orbital Limiter, also commonly known as a STOOL; for which, thankfully, Wilfred knew exactly where to get the parts. The first thing he needed was ...
... a red Lego ™ block and a large rubber...
... insulative stopper to prevent the deadly electric eels from leaving the canister. Organic electricity was his preferred method of powering all his wacky devices ever since...
...he accidentally dropped his primary device into the toilet bowl, he reminisced as he sat there again. Wow, that's an hour gone already, he thought, and I haven't even....
... begun to write the letter to mum and dad explaining how their choice of the name Wilfred had lead to a tortuous childhood and a ruined life for which he continued to hold them vehemently responsible. Wilfred thought it was important to clear the air about these things before going off to meet his maker, however if he could get his STOOL going, he'd have all the time to ....
re-read the best ever novel in the history of mankind - Twilight Saga , for the 8th time. Tears started to form as he rumanise on the impossibilty to marry Edward Cullen - oh, how he longed for the romance of being watched during sleep - how the world is not worth living in without...
...this wonderful book and the movie that resulted. He especially liked the part when Edward yelled "STELLLLLLLAAAAA" (imagining he was actually yelling "Wilfred") after finding a horse head in his bed. It was easily a better movie than its predecessor, Police Academy 3. While this rumination was a welcome diversion, Wilfred knew, that to form his STOOL, he would need to...
...travel back to 1885 and save his pal the Doc from certain death. If only he could remember where he had stashed...
... his morphine; you see, Wilfred had a rather large addiction problem, which was probably a significant factor in his diagnosis for an early death. Remembering he was still sitting in the Doctor's office, Wilfred smashed open the medicine cabinet to grab a syringe and vial. Unfortunately he didn't read the label properly and completely missed the fact that he had just injected himself with ...
...5000mg of testosterone. Smashing through the front door with his pinkie, he jumped in his Prius, floored the accelerator, and sped straight to...
... the closest adult novelty shop, knowing that he was sure to find a low voltage, DC, oscillating motor encased in a pliable, water-proof exterior. Wilfred's STOOL plans required this device for ...
...steering. Unfortunately the batteries were flat. Fortunately Wilfred had 50,000 volts of eel-powered bio-electricity handy, so he...
...licked it, as he had received intensive training in his toddler years and mastered the skill of battery testing by the use of the lick method. Wow,...
... he had no idea that an electric eel could pack such a punch! 'This was sure to work', he thought, as he bit down hard on the adult novelty item, pushed the electric eel down his pants and grabbed both handles on the flux capacitor he had picked up from a bargain bin at Target. Regretfully, he had forgotten that the controls were not set to 1885, but instead ...
...2,000,000,000,085. "Wow, the future!", Wilfred exclaimed upon arriving, then immediately started to...
... look for a bank branch where he could check his account balance; after a couple billion years, he'd be worth FORTUNE! But before he could even take a step, he erupted into flames! The intense heat of the swollen, dying sun had turned the Earth into a scorched wasteland and Wilfred had appeared, waist deep in a pool of molten rock. He was conscious of the searing physical pain as his flesh fell from his bones, as well as the metaphysical pain of his soul being ripped away. His vision collapsed to a tunnel and his life flashed before his eyes. His final vision was that of his doctor, sitting across from him and relaying the news of his 24 hour countdown. The doctor was right after all, this story started just 24 hours ago and now, Wilfred is dead.
THE END
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