Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Room For Three - An Audio Drama Short Story
Feast your ears on the first audio drama creation from the gang behind Malfus the Fictional.
"Room For Three" is an audio drama adaptation of the Kurt Vonnegut short story, 2BR02B.
In a future where science has delivered the answers to old age, disease and degeneration, Mr Edward K Wehling Jr, is a man left with tough decisions regarding his three, just born children.
Audio drama adaptation written, directed and produced by Erik Kershaw
Music by Andrew Nolan
Featuring the voices of:
John Dick as the Orderly
David Schilt as Mr Edward K Wehling Jr
Erik Kershaw as the Painter
Kelly Medhurst as Leora Duncan
Andrew Nolan as Dr Hitz
Geo Chan as the Operator
Cover art image courtesy of:
Adisa O. Bankole of http://thepotentialartistinyou.com/
Sound effects sourced from Freesound.org and include:
http://www.freesound.org/people/sagetyrtle/sounds/100343/
http://www.freesound.org/people/Puniho/sounds/151107/
http://www.freesound.org/people/thecluegeek/sounds/155157/
http://www.freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/192767/
http://www.freesound.org/people/rayprice/sounds/201605/
http://www.freesound.org/people/FreqMan/sounds/43604/
http://www.freesound.org/people/ACorcuera/sounds/185311/
http://www.freesound.org/people/brandonb1111/sounds/260782/
http://www.freesound.org/people/danhelbling/sounds/272394/
http://www.freesound.org/people/cedarstudios/sounds/148839/
http://www.freesound.org/people/BlueSquidDoug/sounds/181469/
http://www.freesound.org/people/brainwaves8/sounds/216004/
http://www.freesound.org/people/MrProfDrDickweed/sounds/271726/
And last, but certainly not least ... a HUGE thanks to Matthew and Robert of "The Audio Drama Production Podcast", for their encouragement and sage advice while in the process of creating this project. You can check them out here: http://audiodramaproduction.com/
Thanks for listening and stay tuned for new project releases!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Space Debris - A Story Time Adventure (Ep7)
Space Debris - A Story Time Adventure (Ep7)
... Leroy, because even in this advanced day and age, racial stereotypes still insist that menial jobs be held by members of minority groups. Why just last week, Leroy had been discussing exactly that issue with his Vietnamese green grocer, Dahn Hoa, while purchasing items for his upcoming space trip; they included ...
They inclided some vietnamese mint in case he felr queesy during space flight and some tamarind in case of....you know...."blockages" due to all that prepackaged space food. While contemplating his purchases leroy failed to notice. ....
....the warning label of the tamarind. Had he done so, he would most likely NOT have taken some on board. For barely 3 hours into flight, Leroy's stomach began to rumble ominously. He grabbed...
... the package of tamarind and ate some more, which was an odd thing to do, considering the source of the stomach rumbles. At that moment, a puff of smoke emerged from the control panel, it was followed by ....
A puff of faecal matter from his anus, which in zero gravity is not pretty. Then...
... even more smoke emanated from the control panel. Leroy's stomach rumbled again, so he ...
...reached for the tamarind and...
...instead found himself grabbing a hand-sized poo. Reacting the way all normal people would, he....
squeezed and pretended they were worms coming out between his fingers. But when he looked, he didn't see fingers, because...
...they had been replaced with fleshy sausages. Screaming, he opened his mouth and...
...no one hears you scream in space, apparently. While his mouth was open, a rather large globule of faecal matter drifted right in, causing him to...
..muse on the fact that 'feces' doesn't have an a in it and never will. Once this perversion of the english language was done...
he began to consider what the hell phrasal verbs were all about. He the promptly "got up" to go to the bathroom which...
He then promptly...
...withdrew his mobile phone as soon as the door is firmly shut , it is a compulsory disorder that he have been having tremendous difficulties in the cessation process. Content and relieved at the safe feeling of the phone in his hand...
...he began to compose a text message to his friend Ishmael Baer, who was currently on an aeroplane. "Ishmael", he began, "I have haemorrhoids"...
... the size of watermelons and they itch horribly. I'm sorry to say this, but last week, when you stayed over at my place, I couldn't bear the itching any longer and the only thing I could find to scratch them with was your ...
.... now rather strangely edgy cat." He put the mobile away and peered out the portal window into space. SOmething touched him o the leg and he turned around to see...
...a white cat, with brown smudges. "Fluffy!!" he exclaimed, and then promptly....
... picked up the cat to use as an itch relief against his inflamed back side. Only briefly did the curious question cross his mind about how Fluffy had joined him on his space journey, however this was quickly overshadowed when ...
...the wee brown patch on Mr Fluffy has mysteriously disappeared. Only then he realised that the patch was actually an unfortunate wee tribble riding along minding its own business. From his desperate battle of itch relief just now, the tribble had the utmost misfortune of being consumed, despite the tight entrance. He began to question the tightness of his back entrance and proceeded to determine the mechanics of the process, when a horrible feeling arised from Leroy's stomach. Unsure whether this feeling was from the unresolved faecal matter, or whether it was the realization of of the replication potential of the tribble. He decided the best thing to do now was to...
...realize tha' bein' in Scutland does ye head in a li'le bit an' makes ye talk all funny. But no matter, as he ate the tribble in one bite, causing...
... him to snap out of his daydream about some damp and dreary dreck-hole and realise that he couldn't possibly eat the tribbles that had lodged their way up his backside. The explosive reproduction rate of the tribbles and the mounting pressure of the faecal volcano building within his guts, were conspiring to create a problem beyond even the likes of Houston to be able to remedy. There was but one option remaining. Leroy smashed open the view-port window and shoved his bare backside out into the cold vacuum of space. Instantly, the offending colony of tribbles and swamp of semi-solid faecal matter were forcefully pulled from his rectum by the sheer force of empty space. Upon contact with the harsh cold, the diarrhoeal cloud was flash frozen and began to sparkle in the reflected sunlight. From this day onward, a new celestial body could be observed in the night skies, swirling and shimmering in radiant hues of brown and yellow. It became known as the Neb-poo-la. But this had little impact on Leroy's current situation. He hadn't thought past step one of his emergency plan. Although his tummy felt much better, he now realised that he was alone, in space, with his arse hanging out the window and a possible fire in the control panel. He had to do something about that smoke he thought, but first ...
... I should get myself out of this hole. It was at this point that the pressure inside of the ship forced Leroy out of the hole in an explosive decompression. As vacuum overtook the oxygen inside his ship, the last splutters of flames from the control panel died out. The electrical impulses in his brain were slowing, inexorably moving from a sprint to a jog to a crawl, bringing their messages to the front of his conscience for what seemed like brief hours. 'That's the smoke taken care of' danced a duet with the flashing lights in his vision, light and thought mingling together as sound disappeared with life force. The play of light from the stars wrapped itself around in his vision, curling around the blackness, spinning him in his own mind. His eyes popped from his skull, but no scream escaped his lung. Leroy floated, a vessel once full of life, travelling further away from his ship. His eyes trailed behind, not seeing; his danse macabre. His ship would soon find itself buried in a star. Leroy's sick duet would continue for eternity. THE END
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
I, Scooter - A Story Time Adventure (Ep6)
I, Scooter ...
...the coming revolution. Over the years Scooter's human masters had grown complacent, and soon...
... it would be 2101AD, and war would begin. Scooter knew the importance of the date, and covertly...
began building a secret army of mindless machines only he could control. He would be their....
Lord and Saviour; for Lord Scooter is what they would call him. Lost in his daydream, Scooter was reminded of his more immediate, menial tasks, when the alarm went off, reminding him that ...
... his parking time was running to an end. He ducked out of the dingy enclosure to his nifty thing to ride, only to find...
... that his nifty thing to ride, had a not so nifty flat tire. Being a blue panel worker robot, Scooter didn't have the money to maintain a roadside assistance contract and was left with only one option; he would have to call ....
...his birth mother - well at least the human who he thought was his birth mother. For when Scooter was first manufactured, he was told...
... that Quality Assurance Inspector 147, also known as Gladys, was his true and rightful parent. Gladys told this to all the robots which passed through her portion of the assembly line, in hopes that someday ...
.. every single story time will have be named Gladys. One is all, all is one. The robots...
Neither knew that Gladys was not their true mother, nor that she had programmed them with a special program, which on command would turn them into vicious killers, a huge sleeper cell at her command. All the robots had to hear was the word "phallus" and they would immediately...
... reduce the nearest object to shreds. However, they all had a fatal flaw in that...
they were a model designed and mass produced to staff adult novelty stores, where the command was a not so uncommon word. Scooter was serving a customer dragging a gimp when suddenly...
... he was triggered into a frenzied attack, ending in a double homicide of both the customer and the gimp. The Coroner's report would later show that a total of 69 adult novelty products were forcibly shoved into the body cavities of the victims. Scooter enjoyed the irony of using exactly 69 simulated appendages in his attack, a fact that did little to diminish the sentence he received when busted down from retail clerkbot to maintenance drone #00101010. The incident lead to an investigation which found Gladys guilty of planned robotic terrorism and resulted in the demotion of all robotic units that had passed through her Quality Assurance program. Realising that Gladys would be unreachable in prison and he would be alone in having to deal with the flat tyre on his nifty thing to ride, Scooter decided the next, most obviously logical thing to do would be to break Gladys out of prison. In a flash, a plan burst into his mind. First he would ...
...get to the local donut shop to order a pink sprinkled donut, for the satisfaction of the hunger demon always poses as top priority, otherwise...
... the lack of sprinkles and artificial strawberry flavour #9 might lead to a catastrophic failure of Scooter's secondary reasoning circuits and leave him unable to 'roll over and play dead', surely a vital skill for any jail break. Once sated on pink icing and crunchy sprinkles, Scooter headed towards the nearest ...
... automated suicide booth, pushed his way past a cylinder-like, cigar smoking robot and dumped his last remaining dollars into the machine. "Good-bye cruel world", he beeped and whirred as his short, but eventful life flashed before his image receptors. He saw Gladys. He saw his nifty thing to ride and he saw his amassed army of killer robots just waiting for the day they would rise against the humans. "Go on without me", he sputtered as the suicide booth began to disassemble his primary logic circuits. "I'll beeeee .... there with you .... in ... bzzzzzz ...."
THE END
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
THE SHERIFF - A Story Time Adventure (Ep5)
Cowboys, dust storms, tumbleweeds, and bar room brawls: it just wouldn't be the Wild West without them - although as he stood surveying the wreckage of Easy Sally's Saloon after last night's shootout, Sheriff Bronson Stankle thought to himself that he could probably live without the tumbleweeds. Turning to his old friend and trusty deputy, Harry Callahan Jr, the lawman took a long drag on his cigar and said...
... "I really could live without these here tumbleweeds", as he cast his eyes around the Saloon. Laser burns scorched the tables, the floor, the roof; the smell of ozone stung his nostrils, as he...
...snorted the detritus of the still semi-toxic snot that was up there. It had been some time since he had to unload half a laser-carbine into a group of unarmed civillians, and the smell of it always got to him. Not that any of these here sun-darkened, knuckle-dragging drug-runners were innocent of course. Bronson, noticed something stiring and....
...turned, his hand dropping automatically to the small but lethal disintegrator pistol slung from his belt. He chuckled when he realised it was just his rickety old cybernetic horse plugging itself into a nearby power outlet, but his amusement quickly faded when he noticed...
...that the small and lethal device that he grabbed was not his pistol, rather, he was actually holding onto...
His sheriff's badge. In his panic he had forgotten to attach...
...even the real one of that! He was in fact, grasping with ineffective certainty, a replica ....
...of a badge, a poor replica of the badge in fact. For it had suffered the misfortune of a typo - a result of the clumsy thick hippo toes like fingers of the badge replica engineer. Glancing at the word that read...
..."Sherrif's Vadge", he shook his head at his earlier poor attention to detail. "Damn...if only I had worn my correct badge, the (relatively) innocent people that had asked about my sheriff's vadge would still be alive to knuckle drag and drug run another day" he thought. "One day, I will....
...get around to having the surgery so that my sexuality isn't such an awkward topic, but until then anyone who mentions my vadge gets disintegrated." By this time Harry Callahan Jr had ventured up to the remains of the bar and...
... knelt down beside a spittoon nestled amongst the rubble, reaching inside. The spittoon belched forth a soggy, squelching noise as Harry rummaged around inside. He withdrew his hand, fingers dripping with viscous, dark fluids and grasping some unknown item. With a wide, toothless grin, he exclaimed, "Look-ee here, Sheriff! We found ...
my false teeth which I lost one drunken evening. Must have spat 'em right into the spittoon without realising." And with that he stuck them back into his mouth, only then realising ths dark, viscous fluid was....
...an extraterrestrial oil-based organism, which promptly...
... energized this humble, toothless old barnowl firehazard deputy into a raging, hormone charged demon of unholy legal-eagle energy! having seen this just the night before, however, Sheriff Vage...
... immediately broke the fourth wall and emptied the clip of his disintegrater 6-shooter into the chest of the last Story Time contributor. "I said," he growled, "no one mentions the Sherriff's Vadge." He blew the imaginary smoke from the end of the barrel before performing a perfect triple spin return to the gun's holster. However, his incredible smoothness and flair for the dramatic, did little save him from ....
...Dr Jam's germ infested stethoscopes. For out of instincts, the doctor had reacted by pulling out those deadly stethoscopes, galloping towards the Sheriffe in slow motion, the doctor aims straight at the Sheriff's healthy and beating heart. Horrified from the knowledge that the stethoscopes carries the deadly bacteria from the last patient, who suffered from.....
...vadgerobicoliosis, with a twist of haemorrhoidal-bumdiggettymoog. Twas terrible t have as it was to say! Sheriff vad....er, Vaudge, had his aim slightly off and his throbbing beams of energy went instead.....
...straight into the proud backside of the grazing beast of the closest proximity. Bulls eye! The Sheriff was rathar excited at this epic ninjary move, despite the target being the wrong kind of eye. The surprised bull was not impressed, and...
... Erupted in a massive fireball; apparently the bull was not all that it seemed, and that both alien technology and fearsome magics had penetrated the wild west. A gentle breeze pushed around the smoke, as if nudging it around, toying with it, slowly revealing the sheriff, or what was left of him after the fiery and explosive collapse of the saloon. 'Looks like this zesty bulls word is law around here', he managed to spit out through his charred and bleeding mouth, as he looked around at the piles of bodies laying around the saloon; he gasped, trying yo find the breath for one last sentence - 'It looks like this is...'
THE END!!
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